(At least these are some of my ideas after partnering with people for many years on their “Therapy Journeys.”)
The purpose of therapy is fourfold: 1) figure out what works well in your life for your own mental health, emotional health, and physical health and 2) what doesn’t. 3) You come up with goals of how you want to be, what you want to be different, how you want to be different, and 4) along the way you definitely heal old wounds that have kept you stuck in ways you know or uncover during the therapy process. Another way of looking at the purpose of therapy is to help you move in your life from “Surviving” to “Thriving” and even “Soaring” in different aspects of your life that have kept you stuck, unhappy, depressed, anxious, stressed, unfulfilled, etc – with whatever has prompted you to consider therapy or even calling a therapist.
Perhaps the process of therapy is:
Step 1: Learn to trust yourself and your therapist with what’s real and authentic that brings discomfort and emotional pain to you in your life as well as what brings joy, meaning, and fulfillment to your life.
Step 2: Look carefully at what you identify that doesn’t work well for you so you can develop opportunities to live the best life you want. (The purpose of therapy is not to whine and be listened to as you unhappily or miserably stay the same.) Identify the problems – what is not working – what would you like to be different – what do you want to change?
Step 3: Look for strengths you have that you can use as you, “do your work” in therapy
Step 4: Get empathy and understanding from your therapist and from yourself for what keeps you “stuck”
Step 5: Appreciate and celebrate your strengths
Step 6: Decide if you want to change those ways of being that keep you stuck/unhappy/judgemental/talking to yourself negatively/ or increase your anxiety.
Step 7: Move into acceptance (of what was and what has been) rather than judgment of those ways of being that no longer work for you by understanding it was the best you could do with what you knew (at the time and from your life experiences) and forgiving and understanding yourself for having developed them.
Step 8: Move into willingness and be willing to change what is not working with your ways of being in your world.
Step 9: Identify new options you can try out.
Step 10: Try out your new options and solutions – do them for a while – watch and listen to yourself – feel how the changes feel – use all your senses to know if you like the results until a few “fit for you.”
Step 11: Experience your Growth and Healing inside you. You can “take what you like” in your grab bag of options “and leave the rest.”
Step 12: Practice your new ways of being until they become “natural” for you.
Step 13: Assess the changes you’ve made – are they enough, do you like them, do you want to tweak the solutions or options, and come up with others now that you know these are possible.
Step 14: Go back through your steps to modify or come up with new issues to work on.
Step 15: Experience pleasure and gratitude in looking at and experiencing your personal growth.
Step 16: Thank yourself for your fortitude, strength, creativity, willingness, and whatever else it took for you to get “here;” here being a happier, more fulfilling place of living.
Optional Step 17: You can always reassess and go through your steps of change again when you feel a need or want to do so.
As you go through these steps, you’ll also be healing old wounds, old patterns, old ways of being. Brainspotting (and many other therapeutic techniques) can help you free up energy by healing the old wounds that helped you create defenses and protective ways of being to cope and feel less pain, after those ways no longer work for you so well. With healing comes more energy to try out new ways of being – new ideas for how to live – entertaining the idea of having a happier more fulfilled life where you are not just surviving, but thriving, and even soaring in your life.
Feel free to email me or give me a call if you think I might be a person you want to work with.
Joanne Baum, PhD, LCSW, CAS